sophie832 ([info]sophie832) wrote,
@ 2005-09-28 00:39:00
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Current mood: giddy

DLXXXVI
Take the quiz: "Which Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle are You?"

Donatello
You've been described as 'the brains' of your family or group of friends. You're the natural born, 'Mr. Fixit'. You're also considered the most reserved, preoccupied with your own little thoughts and ideas. But that doesn't mean you don't hang with your family and friends! But, you still find it easy to get lost in your own thoughts...daydreaming often. You'd rather talk things out than fight. You long for a day when there's nothing but peace in the world, and when you can finally rest with your own thoughts. Violence is something the world could completely live without. One of your labels may be, 'true to blue friend'. You're strong at heart and powerful at mind.\

**************

My man is waiting in bed for me, so I'm going to make this brief. Today seemed like a really long day...work, back home, dinner with my mother, then picking up Luis. It was so-so, but having him here right now makes it all perfect.

It's amazing what you can learn just from people's blog comments. I got another anonymous asshole comment...of course, it still only makes me laugh at the fact that they have nothing better to do than read my blog and think up new ways to say the same old, tired thing. However, it did amaze me that someone I do call a friend, and have for many years now, would never comment on the positive things going on in my life, but then take something I posted about my work that wasn't even close to what he made it out to be, and completely go off in a ultra-critical and holier-than-thou manner. Friends like that, I don't need. Oh well, my college friends (what's left of them, that is) haven't exactly been very warm to me in the past months, even when I had looked forward to seeing them together at some point...it's a shame, but there's not much I can do, and now I realize it's not worth my good friendship and caring to worry about it. Their loss.

Really, people, get some lives. If you can't be supportive, or at least get your facts straight before putting your foot in your mouth, then don't comment at all. Life is too short.

I love, love, love Luis, btw. He knows it, but I still wanted to put it in here. My heart is so full, and it's good to know that he appreciates who I am.



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Excuse Me?!?
(Anonymous)
2005-09-29 12:08 am UTC (link)
We now have issues.

I'm sorry Bill flew off the handle and went after you. I though he was out of line with his comments yesterday, but I was going to respectfully let the two of you work it out.

I understand you did not directly call me out, but let us not beat around the bush. The above post was directed at me at least in part. Since I had nothing to do with yesterday's conversation, this both saddens and angers me. If you have issues with not being invited to the LA baseball/soccer games I attended, you should let me know instead of getting angrier over it. Also, I have several friends in LA, not all attended. I don't think I need to see them all whenever I visit LA, nor do I (or will I) feel the need to ask EVERYBODY to go if I plan an outing. Do you think Bill would have the right to be offended if I went to D-land with you and others, but didn't invite him along?

Communication is a two way street. I would happily plan a trip around a visit to you, but you haven't mentioned anything. Please don't turn into a certain man formerly in your life who basically did the same thing: expected me to be the one who held things up, then blamed me when we lost touch.

“Their loss,” you say. I'll tell you the same thing I told him: If you feel the need to move on, so be it. I have no intention of keeping up a friendship when the other person no longer wants to. No hard feelings. If you are better off moving past your college friends, then that's the way it is.

If you want to talk, leave a comment here, on my blog, email or call the cell or home phone. If I was not the intended target (yes I do read the blog), then my apologies.

Either way, have a good evening, and I hope your throat gets well.

Ben

(Reply to this) (Thread)

Re: Excuse Me?!?
[info]sophie832
2005-09-30 12:31 am UTC (link)
I made you and Bill aware that I was disappointed that you both told me not to go the baseball/soccer thing. It wasn't like I was asking you to go out of your way to spend time with me. I was just asking to go along on a pre-planned trip, for which Bill said he could get as many tickets as necessary. I didn't see any reason we couldn't all hang out and have fun. Although I know other friends of yours were there, it seemed like a lot of UCSB friends were involved, and it has been a long time since we were all together. It was my hope that I could be a part of it, but it was not to be.

My reaction to Bill's comments has nothing to do with you. I thought the "hippie" comment was hilarious, and it didn't bother me at all. My main point was that I'm not going to ask to do stuff with you guys, only to be told that my attendance would be more trouble than it's worth. I can take a hint...or w/Bill, him openly telling me that my going would make things harder on you.

I never thought you and I would stop being friends, and I hope we don't. I just feel hurt about how things went down. It's not about you hanging out with other people when you're down in LA...that's no big deal. It's the way this whole thing went down that seemed like I was directly being told that you did not want to see me...that I do more harm than good. In my mind, it was just going to be friends getting together and having fun. Then it was made into much more than that. Still makes no sense.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

Re: Excuse Me?!?
(Anonymous)
2005-09-30 02:00 am UTC (link)
"I was directly being told that you did not want to see me"

That's horseshit and you know it. You know I never said such a thing.

Do you even have a clue how much I try to put into friendships? I try to do my best to be a good friend, and you go and throw it all back in my face? You've only known me since 1997; you have no idea how few friends I had as a small child, and how big a deal it is to to me have them today. You know, it sometimes feels like you are deliberately pushing the past out of your life.

"Still makes no sense." You make no sense. Why the hell must everything be about you? I didn't make the trip into anything, you did. I can only take so much drama in my life. I don't think I can walk on eggshells with you anymore, worried that I'll offend you somehow.

You're still a decent person who has some flaws and some insecurities (takes one to know one). You can be infuriating or you can be sweet, depending on the day. You have more baggage than LAX because your dad is a tool, and your mom is...your mom. There is nothing wrong with being an emotional person, but you need to take a breath and think before you let your emotions run over people, which then causes you no end of grief with them.

A few months past, I described you as a "martyr," which got me in hot water with your current Roomie. OK, a poor choice of words on my part, especially at the time since you were blue. But I still wish you would try to not to "woe is me" as much when life's problems come.

You have a lot of friends, they care for you, and I'm sure they all feel a bit hurt when you talk like nobody cares or wants to be your friend. Where's that strong Feminist who can take on the world, and all its slings and arrows? Are you really gonna let life beat you down? You're smarter and stronger than that.

OK, so here it is: If you insist on saying I couldn't give a shit, after I stuck around this long as a friend, then you obviously have no clue who I am as a person and it's best we part ways. Why should I emotionally invest in someone, and have it so rudely thrown back in my face? I think you would agree that would just be masochistic on my part. But I don't think (hopefully) that you think like that. You just often speak or act before you think, when instead you need to take a deep breath, think, then speak or act accordingly.

I'm not interested in some groveling apology, I just want to you be a little more thoughtful in the future. Just because you're hurt or upset or pissed doesn't mean you don't have to take others' feelings into acount.

A couple of quickies:

I don't know Luis. At least he had the guts to leave his girlfriend instead of still stringing you along. I'll reserve my judgement, but it's not a requirement for all your friends to do cartwheels that you two got together. We can be supportive of you whether we think he's a saint or a cad.

Bill may very well have a point re: the job, but he can be characteristically blunt. I stay out of shit-storms, bad for the health you know. Too bad you had to expand it with you post, poor judgemnet on your part. First rule of an arguenment: Stay on topic.

Yeah, I'm still pissed. Whatever. I'll roll the dice that you'll be reasonable. If things work out, I may go quiet to cool off. Don't freak.

Bummer you're sick. Take Katie's horse pills, drink OJ and distract yourself with some book or something.

Ben

ps: What is it with this "hippie" comment? I didn't make it, I sign my comments. No offense to LiveJournalers, but I have no intention of joining the Cult of LJ, so I guess I will always be an Anonymous here.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

Re: Excuse Me?!?
[info]sophie832
2005-09-30 04:06 pm UTC (link)
You know, I had a whole bunch of paragraphs written out to be my response, but honestly, it's not going to make a bit of difference.

You seem to know what's best here, or at least you think you do. I try to live the happiest life I possibly can, with as little drama as possible. It was my mistake to try and clear the air on this issue.

I am not pissed, but still disappointed over many things. There's not much more I can do, though, since a dialogue on the matter is only making it worse. It will go back to being a matter that is not in the forefront of my mind, as it was last week, and the week before that.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

Re: Excuse Me?!?
(Anonymous)
2005-10-01 12:46 am UTC (link)
Hmmm. I though I balanced my annoyance with some compliments and encouragement.

Oh well, sigh.

I don't want to split things off, but I meant it when I said I can't deal with the drama. I hope it works out, but we really don't seem to understand each other. Sad. I would like to keep in touch, but it's up to you. What do you think?

Take care and feel better.
Ben

(Reply to this) (Parent)


(Anonymous)
2005-09-29 12:09 am UTC (link)
Good for you to take the amusement out of the blog comments. Maybe some are trying to get your goat, maybe some are trying to make you laugh. Actually, I can remember when you used to take pride at being a "damned dirty hippie" and so called by us so called Republicans (though I rarely consider myself in that catagory)

As for my not commenting on your good news, and picking on the one small aspect (at least, I think you're refering to my mentioning that you didn't link to my blog!)..

oops. Just went back and looked at older posts. (I've been real busy the past few days, and have been enjoying my time away from the computer). I'll hold off my comments for the previous entry.

But! I did say that:

"I am withholding final comment until I know more of your duties, but sooner or later, that type of activity is caught by a review. If you're worried about those, you might want to think about your behavior."

Which to me is saying that I do not know all of your duties to the fullest, and what your boss is requring of you (and the county of you and him).

Bill

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]sophie832
2005-09-30 12:37 am UTC (link)
You added that last sentence to cover your own ass. You made your opinion on the matter very clear. If you wanted to know more about it, you should've asked me before making the comment.

I was not upset about the hippie comment (as I posted above)...it made me laugh. I thought your comment about me giving you credit for the survey was equally jerky, and a bit childish. It certainly seemed like you were on a roll of comments designed to make me look bad. Honestly, it did bother me a lot, although that has passed. If you're going to have that sort of attitude, then it's only going to reflect badly on you, not me.

What is most clear to me, is it is not friendship. There was no heart, support, or caring about me involved in any of it.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


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